how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
