so that wasnt chicken after all
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize