party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
