Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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