Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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