Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
