Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
