it hurts more in the daytime
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
