She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When are your genitals available?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
