Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
