in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
