I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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