my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
