saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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