You just made me feel so damn special
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
