You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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