i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
