from now on my penis is your penis
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
