I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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