i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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