Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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