just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
