i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
