he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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