i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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