Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm having to shit out rocks
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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