I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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