one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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