I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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