I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
