I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
