It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
