yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
