I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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