How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
