I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
