My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
