Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
