hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
