omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
