dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize