I just pynch a tree in the face
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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