kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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