All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
