It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
