Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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