Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You can't special order awesome
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
