i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
