Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
