She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
