I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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