fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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