I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
