she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
