ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
