i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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