I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
