I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
