I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
