So drunk its hurt
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
