No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
