so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
