Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
