Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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