I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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