I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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