You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
