how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
