Can i not drive my cunt home
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
