Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
