WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
