is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
