I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
