Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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