too bad you live with your parents still
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
