Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
