His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
