I accidentally burped into my bong.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
