Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
