I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
high people should be assigned attendants
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
