god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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