my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
