some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
