i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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