If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize