well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
