I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
