Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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