I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
