i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
