drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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