He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize