I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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