she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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