It's Friday. Sex?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
