whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
