if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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