hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
