The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
