I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
