how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
