32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
