You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
