Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
