apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
