You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
