Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Two words: blizzard sex
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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