Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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