so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
