"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
